Thursday, April 15, 2010

Blooming.

Spring has arrived. My soul is blooming.

For so long my soul has searched for meaning. Searched "worldly" relationships for the promise of eternal satisfaction only to be left emotionally empty. And exhausted.

Once withered, my spirit has uncovered unfaltering nourishment. Jesus Christ.

It all began on a Southern Baptist pew at the ripe age of seven. I accepted Jesus in to my heart and received a small cross pendent that revealed the "Lord's Prayer" when exposed to direct light. Yet somewhere in my 17-year journey that light faded. I began to question myself, my world, my God. Only turning to Him when life got too difficult to handle on my own and I needed to know He was still in the shadows. Little did I know He was always lurking. Waiting for His chance to reclaim what was once rightfully His. My heart.

One night, not too long ago, I was sitting alone and I became restless. For some time I have been searching. Searching for someone or something that could fulfill the emptyness that was left over after the love I felt for my son had claimed it's stake. For four years that hole had been filled with the need and desire to "take care" of P's father. Which was never a healthy love; nor was I a "healthy" person to love.

Never the less, I began to pray. Hard.

The next day, the 6 disc cd player in my car died, forcing me to listen to the radio. I stumbled upon KLove and the topic of conversation was "taking time with God". The challenge was to set aside 15 minutes of your day to speak with God through devotion. My world changed.

I am now rebuilding the relationship I have with God which has been one-sided for so long. He has always loved me, but I haven't had the strength to love Him in return. I was so blinded by the Liar that I thought the relationship I had with God was enough. It was sustainable.

I was wrong.

The bible study I began tonight is titled "My Bangs Look Good and Other Lies I Tell Myself." I felt as though I needed to start with a bible study that reintroduced me to my God and taught me the truth about the Truth.

Lie #1. God is out to get me.
Truth #1. God is out to get me because He loves me.

God wants to wrap us in His love. When we stray from the fold He pursues us out of love. Not out of wrath.

"Jesus is not here to break us down. He knows we are already broken. He wants to lift us up. With His grace. With His joy. With His truth." (Susanna Aughtmon)

I was broken. I am still broken. But because He first loved me, I am blooming.
Amen.

4 comments:

  1. WOW Marlee!!!!!
    You are such a beautiful person ---inside and out. Price is very lucky to have you for a mother and Mary and Phillip are so lucky to have you for a daughter. I feel bless to have you for a friend. I love you girl!

    ReplyDelete
  2. So glad to see that you're blogging! This is beautiful. I continue to be so proud of you. Love you!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thank you ladies! I feel blessed to have both of you in my life. Each of you, in different ways, have played an important role in the young woman I am becoming; for that I will be forever grateful.

    ReplyDelete
  4. update your blog. i'm interested in seeing how you're doing, and since you're such an expressive writer, i think you could make this blog something really valuable.

    ReplyDelete